To Move Beyond the Personal

A surprise visit to Casey's classroom a decade ago.

Why do we often choose to take loss so personally? I know, you might think I’m mad to utter such a thing. Please remain with me, and see what may bubble up.

We often make a loss all about how it is impacting us. I observed this in my chaplaincy work, as well as personally. It makes sense, of course it does, because we are the ones inhabiting our bodies, minds, and spirits. We are deeply affected, however it is imperative to remind ourselves that we are NOT the main event.

It has become front row and center once again as I am companioning from afar a dear one who is not long for this world. I am not occupying a front row seat. I am holding a quiet vigil, and understand with all of my heart that we need a village to midwife us onto the next place.

Sometimes we require those who will be our conductor, the one orchestrating, tuning in, and unafraid to step in and forward. Maintaining the flow of texts, emails, phone calls, visits to what feels the most healing and manageable for all involved.

I experienced this first hand with my Lincoln, being that for me in the ICU. Someone we didn’t even know had posed as family, and was wailing over our son’s bed. Linc noticed immediately that I was going into care giving mode trying to be there for a young woman I had never met.

After a very short time, Linc asked her to kindly leave, explaining what was occurring. She grabbed her purse, and created gale force winds as she stormed by us out of the glass doors of the ICU.

Thank goodness for my Linc. He orchestrated what I was incapable of in that moment. I did not have the presence of mind to bestow the kindest act upon myself, yet he did. Huge exhale as I quietly thank this wise sage.

As I was sitting quietly the other day trying to envision what I can do now for my precious friend, it entered like a flash of lightening.

Gifting the library where she had been a teacher with a wide assortment of favorite books, and enough bookmarks for her individual class, and the other two. YES! This gave me so much JOY to visualize.

I reached out to both the media specialist and principal so that they could be on the look out for the order I had intenionally curated from my heart. I received the most loving and generous emails back, and trusted the guidance I had received was spot on. Oh, how I adore it when I am able to step aside, not making a most tragic and imminent loss soley about me. Imagining how this is affecting all who adore her, which is a vast many. Rock star status, truly, too many to count!

My dear one is still earth side, present, and it is paramount to treat her in the present tense, not in the past. I was able to enjoy a brief conversation, and let her know that this is her time to receive. We both even shared a laugh. Oh, the best medicine ever.

I simply cannot bear to imagine life without her in it. I would gladly offer her whatever years I have left. Sadly, this is not how it seems to work. Deepest of sighs.

She is one who has always known how much I adore her. I’m not flailing around attempting to make up for any lost time. This is a friendship between a teacher/me, and my most beloved and treasured sixth grade student, thirty-five years in the making.

“I bypass my mind and give my body the gift of grief.”

~ Jen Hatmaker

*My gratitude for your presence here. If you like what you are reading, clicking on the heart at the bottom of the page helps me get this out into the ethers. Also, your comments are engaging, assisting our community, and please never hesitate if you feel called, to pass any along to someone you are thinking of.