Stretch Marks Upon Our Heart

Photo Credit: iStock

I can feel stretch marks being added upon my heart as our dear Andrea Gibson, reminds us we are capable of. Indelible marks never completely fading as they are not meant to. Reminders of what my heart is capable of holding.

And not...

An impossible invitation came knocking upon my door. Rather than my usual approach of flinging the door wide open, I am intentionally remaining tucked behind a threshold.

Unwilling to cross into a zone I choose to not inhabit.

My former self not skipping a beat. Jumping in feet first in a reactive state. My actions impacting me in unimaginable ways. Until the weight of the bullet train had raced through the station, sparks ablaze.

Standing motionless on the platform wondering what had just occurred? Fully cognizant of the powerful significance of it. Something I had allowed full entrance and access into my being.

This time the stretch marks upon my heart are providing it with added layers of skin, fleshy folds. Coiling and wrapping around me to insulate that which I simply cannot understand, nor am I meant to.

Because it is not about me.

I heard my dear mother coming in reminding me that she spoke till her jaws ached. Because she never wanted her children to ever come to her and ask, why did you not tell me?

An exchange was made between us, clarity shed of what I am capable of. Offering this dear one to their higher power understanding that I am not it.

Finally, within this season of life, my default mode is to not drop everything. Rushing in to become a first responder. Most especially when it is not what is being asked of me.

I am not here to fix, to solve, to try to change an outcome. Becoming aware of where fear and a need to control might desire to become the loudest voices in the room.

I hear my chaplain supervisor, Linc, suggesting there is no need to catastophize, making it about me, and to try to not fall into judgment.

This is a lot, much can change, and I hope with all of my stretch marked heart that it does. However, if nothing does I am asking to be okay with it too.

“Keep some room in your heart for the unimaginable.”

~Mary Oliver

Photo Credit: Elizabeth Gilbert

*My gratitude for your presence here. If you like what you are reading, clicking on the heart at the bottom of the page helps me get this out into the ethers. Also, your comments are engaging, assisting our community, and please never hesitate if you feel called to pass any along to someone you are thinking of.

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