
“Each person deserves a day away in which no problems are confronted, no solutions are searched for. Each of us needs to withdraw, from the cares which will not withdraw from us.”
~Maya Angelou
I am awakening to the day after saying good-bye to our beloved and most cherished dog, Zuke. Our hearts are crushed into a million pieces, and it matters not how many times one has been in this place. It lands like an impossible reality to find oneself immersed within it once again. Deepest of sighs… Yet, I would choose to do it all over to experience a soul filled love of an animal.
What feels vastly different this time is that we’ve always had two dogs. When Jordan, our last pup, transitioned seven years ago, we did not add another to the fold. Zuke has been it, and now for the very first time since 1980, we are without a furry four legged companion. Not running, distracting, yet being fully in this painful season is where we are holding ourselves. Looking at wonderful pictures of him and short movies we have. Soaking in his essence all over again. I am grateful my husband and I understand how to hold ourselves, and one another in these pain filled times. Minimal expectations of the other, and a depth of understanding that this is going to take what it takes, and there is no rushing needed. Zuke was part of our family for almost fourteen and a half years, and he’s left an indelible imprint on our hearts, that are asking for tenderness and compassion.
The morning of I was seeking guidance around Zuke, as I sensed his countenance changing, and feeling so very tired. The quality of his life was tanking rapidly, after being diagnosed just the week before with a second bout of vertigo/old dog’s disease it is commonly called. I was mediating, eyes closed and I felt what I thought was Zuke get up and move. When I opened my eyes, it was Jordan, his buddy, who is in spirit walking in front of our sliding glass door, as Zuke was still resting quietly by my side. Our answer came in the form of his fur buddy, and we knew what our next step needed to be. Our forever gratitude to you dear Jordan, for being our messenger.
We have our animal pals throughout our lifetimes. I believe Zuke was our soul pup. Faithful, patient, loving, our watcher, and I sense I am missing that most about him. He came in with a job, and never took a day off, even when he was feeling unwell. No matter how sleepy he was, he always kept one eye open, observing and taking note of where his people were. To feel that kind of care is otherworldly and what a gift for me to experience it with him. I trust you’re still standing guard our little Zukie man, and will out run the others trying be the first in line when we meet again.

Please offer an extra pat to an animal today if they are in your sphere. I’ll be back, yet for now, I needed to share this tender piece of me that still feels a bit too raw to put out fully on display, yet here I am. Grieving takes time, many different routes, and I’m grateful that my husband and have learned how to be fully within it. No escape hatches for this major heart clutch. For those animal lovers out there I trust you’re nodding your heads in recognition of much of what I am describing. If you are not, that’s okay, perhaps just try to imagine, as that’s good enough for now.

"Dogs die. But dogs live, too. Right up until they die, they live. They live brave, beautiful lives. They protect their families. And love us. And make our lives a little brighter. And they don't waste time being afraid of tomorrow." ~ Dan Gemeinhart, The Honest Truth
(In gratitude dear Molly, for reading my blog, and then quickly sending this to me. It brings me so much comfort and peace.) Love to Levi and you from Zuke and me. 💜
Tears dripping onto my counter as Diamond watches, I tell her it's ok, I'm reading a sad story. She sighs and closes her eyes. I wonder what Shadow and Zuke are up to this morning....my sense is they are closer than our breath, catching tears before they hit the coffee cup. Sending you and Richard the deepest wisest love and holding you as a fellow million heart piece shattered friend can and does. ♥️🙏🐾
A beautiful tribute to your best friend Zuke and his presence in your daily lives. The heartbreaking ending to his soulful life. 💜