
(Sarah, my truth teller from the day she entered into this world.)
What is it that makes one doubt the sharing of their ‘truthiest' truth as Glennon Doyle calls it? There may be a situation that needs to be addressed, it is, it feels as if went okay and perhaps even better than what was anticipated. Then bam, the dread, the back stepping, the insecurities, worries, and the inner critic has an absolute field day.
In conversations with my people, a very real feeling, a truth is shared openly, it is coaxed out of hiding. I’m sensing relief for the one sharing as now it’s finally out there and no longer in hiding. This is when the baffling piece may stealthily sneak in like a thief in the night.
Trying to rob us of an authentic and in alignment moment by fearing how it might have been received? Perhaps convincing us to engage in some side stepping, taking back, diluting, questioning as to whether one has the invitation to truly share in this way? When words of care, not spoken maliciously and with intent to wound and to hurt; how it lands for the receiver becomes their work, not ours.
I vividly recall in our chaplaincy group how our supervisor, Linc, reassured us that most times our recipient may not immediately thank us; most especially if it’s a peeling back of a covered wound that might not desire to be exposed quite yet. This is not an indicator that we did anything wrong by bringing our truth to the table, even though the one receiving might not be requesting second helpings.
I witnessed an exchange not long ago in an email where a valid concern was expressed, the receiver of it was grateful in their response. What followed the next day was an email sent where the originator was worried that he/she had not handled it correctly because it might have been taken personally? I was absolutely dumbfounded by this as I felt as if I had observed one of the healthiest exchanges in a long time to have it “taken back” because of worries of an offense that maybe was the result?
We can be passionate about sensitive topics, yet not take everything so personally. I absolutely know that I can struggle mightily with this as a recovering people pleaser. Just as my very astute then teenage daughter shared with me, “Not everything is about you, mom.” I had no idea in that moment that I was engaging in that mode of being, yet sadly I was. A moment of clarity, and one that is still as fresh in my memory as the day it was delivered. One of those zingers, a cosmic two by four, that was offered so matter of factly, no emotion, she simply stated it. A truth that needed to land and implant itself within me. No Teflon suit could have expelled its impact nor would have I wanted it to, no matter how it stung at first. It presents itself whenever I begin to go there and gratefully, I don’t feel it looping around as often as I once did.
“Even when the truth isn’t hopeful, the telling of it is.”
~Andrea Gibson
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