No-thing Is Wasted
- spacetofeelings
- Jun 30
- 3 min read
NO-thing is ever wasted. I recall Linc, my beloved mentor, expressing this to me while I was in chaplaincy training. Currently once again it came up in a session with my mentor.
How this enters in is I catch myself curiously questioning the why to something. Not that it is happening to me, yet for me, and why? What might I do with this scorching hot potato? Desiring with every fiber of my being to toss it as quickly as it was caught.
A teenage child of divorce wildly flung open the doors of uncertainty around the security of a family I had known for my formative years. Navigating step mothers, two of them, another check of the boxes. A mother whose life was blown apart, fast forwarding into a companioning role I had not imagined would be mine as a sixteen year old.
Forgiveness of my father, a bridge too far. Harsh words hurled back and forth between us, peppered with fiery anger.
Finally the boxing gloves thrown down to the ground.
Raw honesty, repair, restoration, and ultimately reconciliation. A hard won place we fought feverishly for. Discovering ourselves within an opportunity because we were committed to it.
Not just one of us, both father and child.
A willingnness to share that I was a child of divorce has opened many doors. It enabled most especially my young students I taught to welcome my hand at recess. Expressing often with tears what they were living into.
I became living proof that if I could make it, they could too.
When homework was left at the other parent’s house over weekend visitation I understood immediately. No questions asked, simply a nod between us, as it might take an extra day or two to be turned in.
As I was speaking of addiction within my family to Linc, he reassured me that I would find myself within patient rooms often wondering how I knew to land there. After a brief exchange it would become abundantly clear why I had been led to their door. A bond of camaraderie with another on the 12 step recovery path or those not quite there yet was ours. No translators called upon as we spoke the same language.
Losing my brother resulting from a blood infusion tainted with hepatitis C resulting in liver failure. His untimely death catapulted me into chaplaincy after witnessing how an earth angel, chaplain Andy, stood by our sides as a quiet and loving witness. A spark was ignited within which could not be ignored. It required five more years to make the intentional transition from my teaching career to pastoral care training.
Child loss, a precipitous mountain no one recalls signing up for. Perched at the foothills, eyes squinting upward. Searching for sherpas to guide me for a time, until I could feel my feet beneath me.
Never to be forgotten those supportive hands reaching back for me to take a firm hold of. Now, it's my turn to offer mine. No time for hands in pockets. Always someone seeking a sherpa.
Divorce
Loss of my brother
Addiction
Loss of my son
Sprinkled throughout these major life changing events endless layers of creation.
Birth
Death
Sorrow
Delight
Darkness
Light
Hopelessness
Optimism
NO-thing wasted. Everything utilized using the patches of our life experiences. Creating a homespun quilt stitched together with the threads of iridescent hearts.
"Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul.”
~Emily Dickinson
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What a power-ful message Joanie 💪 No-thing is to be wasted…because if it were, what a waste that would actually be.
You have so inspired me to see my own life-path in a newly emboldened way. Have you read ‘The Choice’ by Edith Egar? I think you would like it. Because she too sees that it is NOT what happens that ultimately decides our fate, but what we DO with it.
In solidarity as we both continue to advocate for the kind of world which matters now.
Esther xx
Joanie my root Sherpa, your heart and hands reached out to mine even in some of your own darkest days of early grief losing our beloved 24 year old sons. It’s interesting all the ways our lives lead us and what we do with our hot potatoes. Nothing ever wasted per your wise Linc. You are a special kind of Angel Joanie. 💗
This post lands in very familiar ground here. At the moment I'm helping my granddaughter, Lee, to navigate her life through very difficult circumstanses. Her uncontrolled type 1 diabetes causes her to loose her jobs every time, and it also prevents her from befriending other (normal) young people. I strongly believe that everything happens for a reason, and nothing is ever waisted. Lee understands this, with her mind, but her heart is still breaking. My heart reacts the same way, about my own pain and hers. But the thought that something good will eventually come from all these painful things, does make the "now moments" a little more bearable, and it also shows us that the bad things that happened…
This is a good perspective to consider when so much in my life feels like a dense, foggy conundrum. So many things “don’t make sense” yet if I go into my heart, it’s possible I can make meaning out of these puzzles, struggles and even tragedies.
Thank you for shining sunlight in places that can feel so dark. ☀️
I too understand the pain of multiple losses and asking why. Bless those earth angels Andy and Linc for looking after you and inspiring you to be the very appreciated sherpa that you are. Much love and appreciation from your soul sister xx