Living Life as a Practice

Artist: Lucy Campbell

A vivid memory I still recall, and my mom would remind me of from time to time involves a very impressionable experience in the first grade.

Apparently it was a day of tests. I had spent my time beforehand cheering on my classmates to do their best, and not to look at it as a test, yet as a way to demonstrate what they had learned. (This was something I had overheard my parents discussing with my older siblings.)

I had done such a thorough job, that when the tests were passed out, the hush of the room was filled only with pencils, and little hands filling in the circles.

The entire class; except for me.

It required a phone call home from my teacher explaining that who I had forgotten to convince and cheer on was Joanie. I sat motionless, frozen, pencil in hand, and tears dripping down my face onto my little navy blue and white pinafore dress.

At age six, I was served my first drink that contained the ingredients for test anxiety. It required years of trying various strategies to work through this. I truly believe it’s what became a life changing catalyst birthed within which influenced how I was showing up daily as a teacher.

I could time travel, transporting myself into that little six year old being, and sense it immediately if any of my students were serving themselves a similar drink.

Because of this, I utilized the word, practice, and I still do. My most brilliant twist on this was when I shared with my class, that who was being tested, was me.  The results of their work, would alert me to places in my teaching that I needed to circle back to, reinforce, reteach etc.  Their only job was to try their best, and I would use the valuable information to improve upon my teaching skills.

This was a super hack for sure, and it took the edge off my anxious students who previously had left sweaty palm prints on desks. Slowly, over time, they of course learned about their part with paying attention, asking questions, and studying.

Yet, this was a vital first step and strategy.

Isn’t that all we are involving ourselves within? We’re practicing, and sometimes, extra work sheets will be required, and in other moments we’re sailing into the extra credit.

No tests, nothing final, only practicing. Gaining strength, confidence, momentum, and moving gently into the places that simply are asking for more of our attention.

“Practice is fundamental to our conscious evolution; we’re always practicing- how to be with ourselves, how to be with each other.” Elena Brower

My first grade self at Christmas