Diary of a Seeker~ Guest Writer Niki Schultz

Artist: Scoutcuomo

I haven’t awakened feeling this good in ages. I got almost 10 hours of uninterrupted sleep. My body and my nervous system have much healing to do, this I know. And of course it would after all I have put it through. (I must interrupt here my sweet girl, MUCH of which was NOT your fault. You keep forgetting this and I will keep reminding you.)

Thank you – I have had people tell me I am hard on myself, but I suppose we can talk more about that later.

I am so grateful:

For You – whatever You are and how you are slowly blooming in my heart

My dear husband who is always there in every way

My healthy happy children

My job (that may or may not be there after my knee heals)

Our safe home

Our reliable vehicles

That we can afford groceries today

That whatever this pull is to write will NOT stop.

I don’t even know what, where, or who to write to or about but I know I must write. Every day. And that is my new little promise to myself.

My sweet one, you must write for a few reasons. Would you like to know them?

Yes! Of course!

I first must say I am so happy you are feeling better – this is the way you were meant to live…free in body, mind and spirit.

Ok. The number one reason is that you were born to write. Simple as that. Why do you think you spent your entire childhood with your nose buried in a book?

To escape the horrors surrounding me.

That was the catalyst but not the purpose. There is a huge difference.

Number 2. Your heart contains more than can be contained by NOT writing, it MUST be poured out – daily. Wherever it lands is in my hands, not yours.

Oh, that makes sense. I want to control outcomes so badly for fear of preventing more bad things from happening.

This is what happens when one’s nervous system is stuck in “survival mode” for decades. It’s very natural and it will fade as your trust in Me grows.

Number 3. Do you really think you went through all these things in your life for no reason, in private, in the shadows?

No, I understand, at least I think I do, that they were meant to grow me into my very soul and closer to You.

Yes, most importantly my little one, they happened so you could tell others the most important message of all.

What on earth is that?!

You know. You know! With love in your heart it gives you the power to NEVER GIVE UP even when you want to. Even when every thought, cell and fiber of your being is absolutely done, and cannot move one more step. We never, ever give up for the love in our hearts carries us forward. Always.

Now that love may be dampened or covered over by the grayness or even inky blackness of our life circumstances, but this is one of the gifts of being human.

Gifts?

Yes, it is a gift to know that nothing is permanent. Everything changes. Change is the only thing that you can count on to never fail. It may be dark, but it's impossible for it to stay dark forever, the light always returns.

You want the good to last forever and this is natural, of course.  However, are you not so relieved when the bad passes and is gone like dust in the wind? You simply cannot have it both ways in this lifetime, this earth school as your many friends call it. By the way, that is the perfect description. You are learning, no?

I am, the hard way it seems, always.

Does it really matter as long as you are learning what you need?

I suppose not, I’m just not a big fan of pain.

Ah! But it does serve its purpose effectively, no?

It does.

So, do you understand this call to write is not coming from your mere imagination? It is a Divine Order straight from my heart to yours. People need your story, sweet one. The world needs light and your story, while drenched in darkness, shines of the brightest light of all. When a human turns inward, they find Me. This is the brightest light of all.

Ugh. No disrespect but I have a hard time with this God thing – maybe it’s imprinted from my family. I don’t know but I find it so hard to wrap my head around it all.

LOL! I am not a “God thing” my love, I am EVERYTHING. Your head was never meant to try and wrap around Me but when you get very still and very quiet, you can feel Me in your heart can you not?

I can – I just thought it was always my imagination.

Nearby angel slaps forehead

Again, I will say – your head (thoughts/imagination) were never designed to sit quietly saturated in the clarity of My Great Never ending Love for you. This is why you have a heart. And yours, little one, must be shared with the world. Your soul will forever be restless – seeking solutions outside yourself that will more than likely kill you – until you pause, stay still and accept that this is your biggest assignment. Your final exam. Like a thesis! You must keep those fingers moving and write, no matter what. It’s the only way to graduate.

What happens if I fail?

As long as you try, you cannot nor will not. Again, my sweet forgetful human, the outcome is in my hands, not yours. Now, if you put this calling on a shelf, decide not to write, then yes, that is considered a failure of your great life assignment. If you chose to do so, you start all over again, back at square one.

No thank you! I am worn, weary and far too old to start over at the beginning.

That’s not exactly what I mean but it is irrelevant. I know your heart better than you as I am what causes it to beat without you even being aware. I am that force and yes, I am that intelligent and I also know…you will write your story, and your purpose here will be served.

Omg, there’s been so much, how or where to even begin?

Just one rule, ok maybe two. Stay out of your head and in your heart and remember, it’s not a race. You have more than enough time my sweet one.

Thank you for never leaving me.

Dear one, love never leaves. It may change form and you may be separated from it for a time, but it never, ever leaves.

***Niki, and her life affirming offerings can be found on the link provided.

https://open.substack.com/pub/nikischultz74?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=1t9f19

My gratitude for your presence here. If you like what you are reading, clicking on the heart at the bottom of the page helps me get this out into the ethers. Also, your comments are engaging, assisting our community, and please never hestitate if you feel called to pass along to someone you are thinking of.