Dead Ending It ~ Guest Writer Judith Zimmerman

Photo Credit: Dreamstime

My husband, Kurt, taught me many key life lessons and still does even though he has passed.  Perhaps one of the best examples of Kurt’s many gifts is captured by the lyrics of a song by Kenny Rogers, the Gambler that says  “know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, and know when to run….”. I have often referred to this instinctive ability of Kurt’s as “dead ending it”. 

Whether in a conversation with someone, problem solving with family members, or as a policeman chasing a suspect, Kurt just knew when it was time to “dead end it.”  I remember one of the few stories he shared from his days as a policeman.  He was chasing a very dangerous suspect who had a gun.  He shared that he would have been killed had he not honored his instinct when to halt the chase.    

Kurt was an incredible listener.  On many occasions I would share stories of conflicts at work or problem-solving efforts with family members or friends.   I rarely wanted to give up trying to fix a problem or come up with an amicable solution.  Kurt sometimes would kindly remind me I couldn’t fix everything and perhaps the best thing to do was to just “dead end it" whether it was ending a conversation that was going nowhere, walking away from relationship that had become toxic, or cutting off ties with a family member who had become dangerous to himself and others.  Kurt taught me that “dead ending it” can be crucial and may even one day save your life.  Trust your instincts and consider whether or not it is time to “dead

end it.”  

Start Close In, by David Whyte, examines living within paradox. As one dead ends something, the next step is the first, often the most difficult to take, and potentially freeing.

Start close in,

don’t take the second step

or the third,

start with the first

thing

close in,

the step

you don’t want to take.

Start with

the ground

you know,

the pale ground

beneath your feet,

your own

way of starting

the conversation.

Start with your own

question,

give up on other

people’s questions,

don’t let them

smother something

simple.

To find

another’s voice,

follow

your own voice,

wait until

that voice

becomes a

private ear

listening

to another.

Start right now

take a small step

you can call your own

don’t follow

someone else’s

heroics, be humble

and focused,

start close in,

don’t mistake

that other

for your own.

Start close in,

don’t take

the second step

or the third,

start with the first

thing

close in,

the step

you don’t want to take.