
It becomes too easy to fall into overload and overwhelm because one might believe visiting the buffet table and trying a little of everything is better than requesting only one appetizer to savor and delight within. Less is more in our exterior worlds, could never more true than when embarking and practicing ongoing exploration of one’s interior.
Recently while in my quiet sitting/meditation practice I heard just two words, go deeper. Nothing more, a sound bite with an invitation to stay, and not eject myself, which can sometimes occur. I am newer to this practice as it was when I became connected with my mentor several years ago that she inquired. Gently nudging me forward in that direction, giving me homework, and knowing that the bulk of it could really only effectively be accomplished through meditating on a regular basis.
As I have been reflecting on the two words I was given over the past several weeks, I realize that the first decades of my life were spent going broader. Extending myself as far as I could, grabbing onto opportunities, seizing life and all it experiences. Believing that if I was feeling any kind of discomfort, angst, it must indicate that I needed to seek a remedy, a solution, a fix. Only to be found by going on a scavenger hunt outside of myself. Trying a little of this and that, to realize that often I felt as if I was caught up in a tornado of my own creation, twirling and whirling around as if I’d been placed in a blender on high speed.
All of that was just as it needed to be for that time of my life, yet clearly now, the message I’m receiving is to remain with what is. Remain curious, stay, no need to bolt and run away from the present moment, most especially if it’s bringing discomfort. Can I instead strap on my miner’s hat, and go exploring to see what I may discover? All of it, affecting what is bubbling up, and will eventually find its way above ground.
Traversing friendships as a child, I was so relieved when my mom explained to me that if I had one or two really close friends it was enough. Just what my tender ears needed when I might have left school on Friday believing, fill in the blank, was my best pal to discover that on Monday we were history. Forever recalling when Linc, my chaplain supervisor, told my chaplaincy group that if you were going to be friends with Joanie, you had better be willing to give 110%, because that is what she would offer back. His impish Irish grin matched by his dancing eyes, beaming with a reassurance that he truly saw me. I had never thought of myself in quite this way, yet it landed on all my soft places doing its ongoing job of tenderizing.
I utilize this same construct within my inner practice. Rather than being tempted to try too many new things at once, often followed by feelings of overwhelm, I am trying to keep it simple. This certainly does not mean that what I’m engaging in is simplistic or uncomplicated. I’m offering myself a container where I sift, sort, and am intentional about trying not to complicate by adding more.
In my weekly exchanges with women this arises often. One made note that she was stopping herself more often now as she began to seek a new product. More things to dabble in outside of herself, and desired to sit quietly first and listen for guidance, with less ‘snatch and grab’ moments. I call it the dropping that we are an ongoing ‘DIY’ project, constantly requiring something else, rather than working with what we currently have. I am being guided to dive more deeply within the one or two topics that have been presented, rather than quickly moving onto what’s next. It’s been fascinating to witness an exhale, even a moment of pause, that it’s actually okay, and even preferential at times to remain with what is.
Slowing down long enough to listen beneath the words, decoding the gaps between them that might be steeped with more clues as to how one is truly feeling. This is the alchemical magic of dropping deeper rather than being solely a surface swimmer. Even if it makes our ears pop, and feels disorienting at first, there’s a whole new world in the depths teeming with an abundance of life waiting to be discovered.
“Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.” ~ James Baldwin
***A deep bow to all who have been holding us in your thoughts during this most tender time. My heart is still on the outside of my body, not ready to be fully tucked back inside quite yet. We are missing our Zuke, fiercely, and the one thing I am discovering is that our beings are hard wired to know how to grieve. It’s if we allow it or not, which we are fully. He’s worth every tear shed, and sweet memory lived into. Baby steps…

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