A Birthday Happening

Douglas is on the bottom row, second to the left.

I don’t want an endpoint to my sorrow. The death of a child is not a heatwave or a snowstorm, nor an obstacle race to rush through and win, nor an acute or chronic illness to recover from. Thinking about my children is like air, like time. Thinking about them will only end when I reach the end of my life. ~ Yiyun Li

I will always recall my mom telling me that I would think of my son, Douglas, all the time. What changes and can begin to feel a bit different she carefully articulated, is that more memories of his life, and how he lived, would begin to slowly present. Offering a soft overlay to the relentless grief and sorrow of this life without his physical presence within it.

In that moment, I wanted to believe her, yet it truly only felt like wishful thinking.

Yet, she knew, because she was living into it too, with the loss of her son.

Maybe she was onto something? Oh, how I hoped she was. It did not feel like a platitude either, rather a life line, a heart tether, I could remind myself to reach for.

The most amazing happening occurred on my birthday. My daughter, Sarah, texted me a picture of Douglas and his ice hockey team that I had never seen. It arrived at 7:11, a time in which he often pops in to say hello, along with 11:11, and 1:11.

Douglas used one of his best high school pals, Ben, to send it. What is so amazingly life giving is that the spirit world can choose anyone as a messenger. If we are open to it, and do not hesitate to share because of the mind coming in saying all those unhelpful comments about why not to do something.

I sent the photo along to many of my peeps because truly, the BEST birthday gift ever, yes, was asking to be shared. As I was telling my dear friend, Judy, I heard Douglas chuckling. He had indeed done it up BIG, and there was a reason behind it.

He was holding class for my dear Casey, who shed her earth suit on January 19th, demonstrating all the ways in which one can pop in to say hello. He adores doing this and has before, as I walk into my bedroom, and notice the feather that rests in front of his picture has moved to a new spot.

The feather is generally in front of his picture holding Haven, his niece. This is where I discovered it on Haven's birthday, in. front of her picture. Of course.

Our role is to become a conduit, a link, a bridge. Trying to not turn our backs on these invitations to pass along a message that we might be clueless to the significance of, yet could become a life changing moment for the intended receiver.

I’ve been riding high since his picture arrived. You see, there are no new ones to take and to enjoy. Thus, when one comes our way it is truly beyond words.

In gratitude to Douglas for wishing me the happiest birthday ever! Making it very clear to not expect this yearly with a huge grin and wink. He can be so cheeky, that son of mine.

Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU, to Douglas, Ben, and Sarah, for making sure I received this special delivery. Each playing their part, and not second guessing. Lucky, lucky ME!

*My gratitude for your presence here. If you like what you are reading, clicking on the heart at the bottom of the page helps me get this out into the ethers. Also, your comments are engaging, assisting our community, and please never hesitate if you feel called to pass any along to someone you are thinking of.